AN UNHINGED FANTASY NOVEL
WANTED
for the theft of one (1) witch's cat
& the accidental return of dragons
REWARD: ABSOLUTELY NOTHINGthis is what happens when the party does everything except the quest
full account of the incident.
by Lucas Schiavini.
“I'm sorry the villain has to deal with them.”
— anyone who has met the party
POSTED: CHAPTER THE FIRST
The first chapter hangs here for any passerby to read. A cat is stolen. Nobody learns anything. No healing provided (our healer is useless). Coin not required.
READ THE FIRST CHAPTER →BARKEEP'S RECOMMENDATION
For patrons who love Terry Pratchett's Discworld, roll dice on weekends, and watch It's Always Sunny or Seinfeld thinking “these people need swords.”
OVERHEARD AT THE BAR
“The stuff you came up with, not just the overall story, but the smaller details. I just find it brilliant. And I've read a million books in my life. I'm not just saying.”
DAMARIS · patron ✠
“I really think it has Lord of the Rings potential. Movies, merch, all the package.”
DAMARIS · patron ✠
“I remember reading the book until 3 or 4 a.m. the night I first picked it up. Even though I had class the next day.”
ROSA · patron ✠
“It's too funny for me to get bored.”
SIMBIAT · patron ✠
“I got emotional at some points. I was not expecting it. The friendship is so genuine. I was like, oh my god, this is so emotional.”
LATEEPHA · patron ✠
“Gladius is actually the strongest character there. He stands out.”
SIMBIAT · patron ✠
“I loved how you managed to stay believable while taking everything to such a ridiculous level. I actually recommended it to a friend while the Google Doc was still open.”
ROSA · patron ✠
“The tone is perfect for a dark comedy fantasy book.”
SIMBIAT · patron ✠
“Danko is a compelling protagonist. He's in prison, but he still plays his part perfectly well.”
SIMBIAT · patron ✠
“The dragon attack is the best action scene in the story.”
SIMBIAT · patron ✠
“One thing I like about your chapters: they all come stronger than the previous ones.”
SIMBIAT · patron ✠
“The part where Mortimer was drinking from the well is actually very funny.”
SIMBIAT · patron ✠
ON THE PRESSES
FIRST EPIC
1st draft done
AT THE EDITOR
SHORT TALE
1st draft ongoing
WET INK
SHORT TALE
1st draft ongoing
WET INKposter not yet nailed —
the party returns here
THE BARD'S CORNER
What the scribe listens to while writing. Some of these tracks named chapters.
ABOUT THE SCRIBE
WHO WRITES THIS NONSENSE?
A programmer by day, indiehacker by night, and writer on sunday afternoons at my local coffeeshop, where I write this book for 4 hours every week.
Faithful hound Lily supervises every chapter and has yet to approve one.
— Lucas & Lily
